


Slogans on Trucker Hats and the Best Dishwasher in the World

by polishmyarmor



Category: 30 Rock
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5476307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polishmyarmor/pseuds/polishmyarmor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief meeting between Liz and Jack on her new show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slogans on Trucker Hats and the Best Dishwasher in the World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [norabombay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/norabombay/gifts).



Liz stomped into Jack’s office.

  
“Lemon! How did you get in here? Why do I even have Jonathan?” Jack said, both pleased and incredulous, as Jonathan gasped at the injustice and Jack sat down behind his desk.

“Jack! I got a note from the network—they want me to write in cameos for all of the Republican candidates besides Trump to make up for the extra air time they gave him. How am I supposed to find a way to organically introduce them into an episode that’s already supposed to be the introduction to the spin-off, _Talking Dogs Take New York_?” Liz perched on the side of Jack’s couch as he steepled his fingers and pressed them against his lips.

“Well, you’re a writer, are you not? Surely you can find a way to integrate some of the most powerful people in politics into New York City.”

“Jack, none of them can act! They all want to play themselves, none of them are willing to be the butt of any jokes, they all just want to spread their political message, and for some reason it has to be in this sitcom about talking golden retrievers!”

“Well, let’s think this through. Fiorina’s easy—just give her something fiscally responsible to say. Yes, so, maybe the dogs are trying to find jobs, and Fiorina negotiates their pay. Cruz, Rubio, and Bush can all check their papers to make sure they can work in New York—we’ll let Paul help them get out of joining the Dog Union, Christie can wrestle an evil dog to show just how tough he is on crime, and…”

“We’ve still got Carson, Kasich, and Huckabee,” Liz sighed expressively.

“Sure, okay, that’s easy, maybe one of them gets hurt—yes, genius, Lemon! The dog will get a piece of glass in its paw, and say something like “ _Thanks_ , de Blasio!” then Carson will get the glass out with his healing hands. Huckabee will teach the dogs how to say grace over dinner, and when the dogs ask him if all dogs go to heaven--”

“He won't answer that question, will he?”

  
“And risk isolating the animal-loving Reformed New Baptists of Eastern Tennessee? Of course not, he’ll laugh and then the scene will end—this is television.”

“And Kasich?”

“Kasich—eighteen years in the House of Representatives, two-term governor, and Fox News personality? I don’t even know why he’s running. America doesn’t want pragmatism and compromise! They want slogans on trucker hats and war against an entire religion! Hmm…” Jack stood and moved to pour himself a scotch.

“Jack, you can’t seriously believe that that’s what America really wants!”

Jack gestured expansively as he replied, “Isn’t it? Trump’s never been more popular and that’s exactly what he’s offering. Seriously, Lemon, think about what you’re writing. Does it fill you with patriotic pride?”

“I think that _Talking Dogs Take New York_ has the chance to offer an incisive new take on living in the big city—we can address cat-calling, housing inequality, gross smells on the subway…”

“All while easily incorporating your sponsors, Petco, Always, and Emergen-C.”

“Urgh, fine, Jack, fine, I’m a total corporate sellout, but what can I say? Mama’s babies need braces—Invisalign is expensive, but worth it!” Liz turned and smiled at nothing. 

Jack continued, “Well, that’s settled then—now, I need your writers’ room to work on something for me.”

“What could you possibly need us for? Unless—no! Is it really happening?!”

“Yes, Elizabeth, the dream is coming true—we’re going forward with the all-glass sided dishwasher, designed to be the centerpiece of any delightful kitchen island—all it needs is a name.”

“We’re on it, Jack!”

And with that, Liz left Jack’s office, off to tell her writers about her plans for Ben Carson to feed the dogs Emergen-C after performing surgery, and why they needed to begin brainstorming names for the best dishwasher the world would ever see. If only she could figure out what to do with Kasich!


End file.
